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Let the tirade begin... Listen, it’s my duty as a highly-paid, professional investigative journalist to expose the most rampant abuse in the world today: I speak of course of the untamed ravaging of the beloved apostrophe.
(Before we begin, I understand that I’m not exactly the guy to be griping about grammar or punctuation or spelling; after all, I’m the fellow who has written in big bold headlines “coral” when I meant “corral.” I’m pretty sure the Hornets did not make their opponent into a barrier reef, but actually herded them up like cattle. So, I know I’m the kettle calling the pot black.)
The abuse of apostrophes is simply shocking. Now, the concept of apostrophe abuse is understandable: When in doubt, stick in an apostrophe in whatever you’re writing. How many times have you been driving down the road and read an entry way that says “McCoy’s”? Really? The McCoy’s what? The McCoys (more than one McCoy, plural, no apostrophe) might live there. And a single McCoy’s mail goes in the box. But the McCoy’s referred to as a family is wrong – get rid of the apostrophe. I know folks who always goes to “Walmarts.” That sounds like a visit to several stores of the chain, but they mean just one Walmart. Inserting letters and punctuation willy-nilly does not necessarily make things clearer.
I’m judging the a writing contest – stop laughing – and there are some classic missteps again this year. (This is an amateur contest and, while 40 percent of the competition tally is proper English, I cut them some slack. I always recall that I once wrote about a “hoard” of fans when actually I meant a “horde” of fans. Once again, kettle = pot.) Some classic errors from this year’s entries: sat/set; lose/loose; their/there; were/where; desert/dessert; to/too (probably tied for Most Abused in the English language with two others as we shall see). At times, the mistakes, many of them homophones (words that sound the same but have different meanings), were almost poetic: “They started their decent (descent).” “The wind blew at gail (gale) force” (could’ve been a named hurricane, I guess). “The time had past (passed).” “His wraith (wrath) rained down (it’s possible an apparition rained down, but...). “His nostrils were flairing (flaring).” “He was entrolled (enthralled) with her looks.” (“Entrolled” is not a word but should be.) And my favorite: “He had the presents (presence) of mind...” While people mess up “alright” and “all right” (it’s two words) and “ect.” when they mean “etc.” for the abbreviation for “etcetera,” there are two more errors that are more troublesome and belong on the highest shelf with “to/too” – except they contain rampant apostrophe abuses. The other Most Abused duos: your/you’re and its/it’s. These brutalities can be avoided by simply speaking out the word if you use an apostrophe in it. “You’re” is “you are” while “your” is a pronoun. So, “Your going to the store” can clearly be avoided by reading it aloud; it should be “You’re (you are) going to the store.” Its/it’s terrorizes people of every race, color, and creed. Once again, it is contraction versus pronoun in a battle to the death. “It’s driving me crazy” is correct when spoken out: “It is driving me crazy.” “I’m going to it’s far beach” is not; “I’m going to it is far beach” makes no sense. This isn’t the only instance where apostrophes suffer. It’s New Year’s Day, not New Years Day. A day’s end. A girl’s dress. You can find apostrophe abuses anywhere, anytime. (There’s a great web site, www.apostropheabuse.com, where photos are posted of signs in violators like Walmart [no ‘s’!] and Macy’s as well as a slew of menus and advertisements.) Well, I feel better. And we didn’t even address plural possessives, but I can’t take the chance of suffering readers’ wraith. Mark K. Campbell is the Azle News sports editor. |
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